SPRING

SPRING

Function: Noun

Date: before 12th century

1. a source of supply ; especially : a source of water issuing from the ground b: an ultimate source especially of action or motion
2. 2. a time or season of growth or development ; specifically : the season between winter and summer comprising in the northern hemisphere usually the months of March, April, and May or as reckoned astronomically extending from the March equinox to the June solstice

When I look out across the back lawn I see mostly brown grass, but a closer look shows there are sprigs of green mixed in. Even though the calendar says it is officially spring, when the weather is still cold enough to wear a coat and the grass looks dead it is hard to trust that spring is here. Spring has never been my favorite season, but since I began doing bereavement work for hospice a couple years ago, I have a new appreciation for spring. Early spring holds tangible reminders that there is life after death and hope in the midst of despair. Even though the grass is still nearly all brown, there is just enough green to cause me to hope. It reminds me that even though the grass has looked dead for many months it will soon be lush and green.

For many people, grief feels like the dead of winter – it makes people want to draw in. Many people feel life can’t possibly go on after a devastating loss, but for most of them that raw cold of winter gives way to warmer breezes, and they are able to begin to see the possibilities life still holds for them. When I see the tangible signs of spring, I am hopeful on behalf of all the people I know who are living with loss – I am hopeful that soon they will see the signs of spring for themselves and feel hopefulness welling up inside their own hearts.

HOLE

HOLE

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English hol (from neuter of hol, adjective, hollow) & holh; akin to Old High German hol, adjective, hollow and perhaps to Old English helan to conceal

Date: before 12th century

1. an area where something is missing; 2. a hollowed-out place: as a cave, pit, or well in the ground; 3. a wretched or dreary place.

This hole in the ground lays open, waiting for the casket and body to fill it. While there are a variety of options available when someone dies, most people still choose to be buried – to be put into a hole in the ground. The symbolism in that is powerful. While the body of the deceased fills a place in the ground, loved ones wonder how to fill the hole left by the person whose body now lies in the ground.

That hole in ones life can feel like a hollowed-out place, and many people struggle with how to live in light of the loss. It is hard to trudge through the days and nights with a hole in ones life. A hard reality is that for most people who suffer a significant loss, the hole will never be filled. It doesn’t mean joy and happiness cannot be found, but the hole is always present. Perhaps the best we can do is honor that place; to be present with the sadness and the loneliness but not try to stuff it full of other things that cannot replace what was once there.

In a few days I will turn 50 and on that day I will also observe the 9^th anniversary of my mother’s death. The hole left by both of my parents is still empty, and I no longer have hope of filling it, but all these years later I feel more comfortable with letting the hole exist without the desperate need to fill it. I am more able to sit with the sadness and honor the place it has in my life and even celebrate the person it has helped me to become.