WAIT

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WAIT

Function: verb

Etymology:

Middle English, from Anglo-French waiter, guaiter to watch over, await, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German wahta watch, Old English wæccan to watch

Date: 14th century

1 a: to remain stationary in readiness or expectation; b: to pause for another to catch up. 2 a: to look forward expectantly; b: to hold back expectantly. 3: to be ready and available.

Most of us would never wait for anything if we didn’t have to. Waiting is usually forced upon us – we wait in line; we wait in traffic; we wait for computers to boot up; we wait for results of medical tests to come back; we wait for injuries to heal; we wait for food to be cooked; we wait for babies to be delivered; we wait for the harshness of winter to give way to the gentleness of spring; we wait for the heat of summer to give way to the cool breezes of fall; we wait for death.

In my work I watch people waiting everyday – waiting for death to take them or to take one they love. Part of my job is to wait alongside them and to listen to whatever they want to talk about while they wait. Sometimes they talk about the weather or how often they have to fill the bird feeder. Sometimes they talk about the things they would do if they had more time. Sometimes I hear confessions of the things they wish they hadn’t done. Sometime we just sit in silence – waiting together.

It is the holiest job I have ever had or ever hope to have. Each time someone lets me wait with them I feel like I am on sacred ground.

SPRING

SPRING

Function: Noun

Date: before 12th century

1. a source of supply ; especially : a source of water issuing from the ground b: an ultimate source especially of action or motion
2. 2. a time or season of growth or development ; specifically : the season between winter and summer comprising in the northern hemisphere usually the months of March, April, and May or as reckoned astronomically extending from the March equinox to the June solstice

When I look out across the back lawn I see mostly brown grass, but a closer look shows there are sprigs of green mixed in. Even though the calendar says it is officially spring, when the weather is still cold enough to wear a coat and the grass looks dead it is hard to trust that spring is here. Spring has never been my favorite season, but since I began doing bereavement work for hospice a couple years ago, I have a new appreciation for spring. Early spring holds tangible reminders that there is life after death and hope in the midst of despair. Even though the grass is still nearly all brown, there is just enough green to cause me to hope. It reminds me that even though the grass has looked dead for many months it will soon be lush and green.

For many people, grief feels like the dead of winter – it makes people want to draw in. Many people feel life can’t possibly go on after a devastating loss, but for most of them that raw cold of winter gives way to warmer breezes, and they are able to begin to see the possibilities life still holds for them. When I see the tangible signs of spring, I am hopeful on behalf of all the people I know who are living with loss – I am hopeful that soon they will see the signs of spring for themselves and feel hopefulness welling up inside their own hearts.

HOLE

HOLE

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English hol (from neuter of hol, adjective, hollow) & holh; akin to Old High German hol, adjective, hollow and perhaps to Old English helan to conceal

Date: before 12th century

1. an area where something is missing; 2. a hollowed-out place: as a cave, pit, or well in the ground; 3. a wretched or dreary place.

This hole in the ground lays open, waiting for the casket and body to fill it. While there are a variety of options available when someone dies, most people still choose to be buried – to be put into a hole in the ground. The symbolism in that is powerful. While the body of the deceased fills a place in the ground, loved ones wonder how to fill the hole left by the person whose body now lies in the ground.

That hole in ones life can feel like a hollowed-out place, and many people struggle with how to live in light of the loss. It is hard to trudge through the days and nights with a hole in ones life. A hard reality is that for most people who suffer a significant loss, the hole will never be filled. It doesn’t mean joy and happiness cannot be found, but the hole is always present. Perhaps the best we can do is honor that place; to be present with the sadness and the loneliness but not try to stuff it full of other things that cannot replace what was once there.

In a few days I will turn 50 and on that day I will also observe the 9^th anniversary of my mother’s death. The hole left by both of my parents is still empty, and I no longer have hope of filling it, but all these years later I feel more comfortable with letting the hole exist without the desperate need to fill it. I am more able to sit with the sadness and honor the place it has in my life and even celebrate the person it has helped me to become.

SHADOW

SHADOW

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English shadwe, from Old English sceaduw-, sceadu shade

Date: before 12th century

1: partial darkness or obscurity within a part of space from which rays from a source of light are cut off by an interposed opaque body.

2a: an imperfect and faint representation; b: an imitation of something

Too often we live in the shadows rather than the light. In the Christian church calendar, the season of Lent begins on February 25, 2009.

The Lenten season is traditionally spent in self-examination and reflection - sometimes fasting from food or activities. Some people give up sweets or television or shopping or being tied to the technology that can dominate our lives. Sometimes people add something to their lives – more prayer time or more time spent meeting the needs of others.

While the Lenten season may be more somber than other church seasons, it is not meant to be sullen or melancholy. Lenten disciplines are not meant to be punishment – we are not doing arbitrary disciplines to make up for wrong doing. We are not trying to behave ourselves after months of misbehaving. Lenten disciplines are meant to draw us toward the light of God so that we might live in the light rather than the shadows.

The Ash Wednesday liturgy in the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer issues an invitation to a journey of looking intently at ourselves and those things and activities or attitudes that darken our hearts and our lives – those things that keep us lurking in the shadows rather than in the light.

Lent invites us on a journey of repentance – a time for turning from one thing to another; a time for turning from those things drawing us away from God and keeping us from living in the light.

OBITUARY

OBITUARY

Function: noun

Etymology: Medieval Latin obituarium, from Latin obitus death

Date: 1703

A notice of a person's death usually with a short biographical account

I don’t like obituaries. They are futile attempts to sum up one’s life in a few words.

As a hospice chaplain, I officiate at a lot of funerals. When a family asks me to read the obituary as part of the service, I try to remind those gathered that the obituary is just a skeleton of one’s life – no real flesh and blood. Even long obituaries that include a person’s accomplishments and hobbies are still just a bare bones attempt to capture what cannot be captured in just a few printed black and white words.

It has been almost 9 years since my brother and I had to write our mother’s obituary.

“She died as a result of injuries from a motor vehicle accident.” That part is true. The part left out is the agony we lived while deciding whether to continue life support. Her obituary says “She was a long time member of the Talbot Park Baptist Church and one of their first women deacons.” That part is true, but it omits the church controversy it stirred over women deacons, and it also omits that a long standing church member left the church over it.

“She is survived by 2 children and 2 grandchildren” That part about the survivors might be the truest part. Surviving – bare minimal existence is all we did for a long time.

It omitted that she hated cats and sweet potatoes. It omitted that she took in relatives with no other place to go – a cousin, a nephew and an invalid aunt. It omitted that her laughter was contagious.

When my brother and I are together we never read the obituary, but we do tell stories – the stories that help us remember her and our father. It is the remembering and the telling of the stories accompanied by laughter and tears that keep them alive in our hearts and minds.