APPEARANCE

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APPEARANCE Function: noun Date: 14th century 1. way somebody or something looks:

2. outward aspect 3. performance or exhibition in public: Appearances can be deceiving. By all outward appearances this door is solid wood. Only a closer inspection reveals places where the wood is rotten. So is the door solid or rotten? I really like for things to be one or the other, but in reality, the door is both. When I was preparing for ordination this last time (there have been others, but that is a longer story), someone asked me to talk about the image or metaphor of the church to which I am most drawn. The first to leap to mind was that of saint/sinner. Perhaps it is because I struggle with it the most. I want people to fit neatly into one category or the other, but truth be known, we are all both – all a mix of some things that are solid and some that are rotten. I have been surprised by the goodness of people I have written off as “sinner”, and I have been wounded by those whom I have wanted to be a “saint”. There are a couple of people monitoring the rotten spots on this door. They check periodically to see if the rotten places are widening. The take preventative measures to hold the rot at bay. It helps if we have similar kinds of people in our lives – people who will be honest with us about how we are living our lives; people with whom we can share the rotten places.

TRACKS

TRACKS - Noun
Etymology: Middle English trak, from Middle French trac
Date: 15th century

1: detectable evidence (as the wake of a ship, a line of footprints, or a wheel rut) that something has passed

On a recent trip to a beach on the Atlantic Ocean, I was intrigued by the tracks made in the sand by the ocean rescue vehicles. As I observed the tracks left behind them, I was reminded that we leave tracks wherever we go. How we live our lives makes an impression on the people whose paths we cross.

Not long ago I heard someone tell the story of a denominational official who came to visit her church. It was clear to her that he was not interested in having a conversation with her or anyone else, and that made an impression on her. When we discussed it, she said, “This makes it easier to understand why some people get fed up with church and leave.”

What we say and do and what we don’t say and don’t do leaves detectable evidence that something has passed.

DEVASTATION

DEVASTATION

Function: transitive verb

Inflected Form(s): dev·as·tat·ed; dev·as·tat·ing

Etymology: Latin devastatus, past participle of devastare, from de- + vastare to lay waste —

Date: 1638

1 : to bring to ruin or desolation by violent action 2 : to reduce to chaos, disorder, or helplessness

This is the home of the in-laws of one of my co-workers. It was devastated in the tornado that ripped through Kirksville last week. Devastation is the only word I know to describe what I saw that day. For a few days I have been trying to think of something more to say about that, but the truth is that devastation is just beyond words.

PLANT

PLANT
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English plantian, from Late Latin plantare to plant, fix in place, from Latin, to plant, from planta plant
Date: before 12th century
1. to put or set in the ground for growth; 2. to set or sow with seed.

Today I skipped church and spent the morning alone planting in the garden. I have been in desperate need of some time alone to be quiet and let my mind wander.
Since I was placing plant roots in the ground and it is Mother’s Day, it didn’t take long for my mind to wander to my own roots. I found myself sitting on the ground with dirt under my nails rejoicing that my roots had been in deep rich soil with parents who loved me wholly and unconditionally. They were middle class working people who believed in hard work and honesty and who relied on the grace of God. They were kind to strangers and opened their home to relatives who needed a place to live and people to love. Sometimes that meant putting the youngest child (me) on a cot in the living room because all the bedrooms were full. While some people may have felt sorry for that girl sleeping on a cot, I am grateful for the way my roots were strengthened and nourished by living with people who could put their own needs aside for the benefit of others.
As I left my garden plants, I prayed for my tomatoes and cucumbers and peppers – that their roots might take hold of the rich soil, and I also prayed for my children – that their roots might be strong and deep.

BLUR

BLUR

Function: noun
Etymology: perhaps akin to Middle English bleren to blear
Date: 1519

1. fuzzy or unclear image: something that cannot be seen clearly, e.g. because it moves too quickly or because it is not distinctly remembered

Sometimes life is a blur. Schedules and events pack one’s day so that there is barely time for a pause. When that kind of busyness takes over, things can become fuzzy or unclear and the events of the day are not seen or remembered clearly. The flowers growing on the side of the road are missed. Boundaries are crossed. Relationships are sacrificed and taken for granted. Blogs are ignored.
Taking time to breathe deeply seems to prevent blurring.

WAIT

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WAIT

Function: verb

Etymology:

Middle English, from Anglo-French waiter, guaiter to watch over, await, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German wahta watch, Old English wæccan to watch

Date: 14th century

1 a: to remain stationary in readiness or expectation; b: to pause for another to catch up. 2 a: to look forward expectantly; b: to hold back expectantly. 3: to be ready and available.

Most of us would never wait for anything if we didn’t have to. Waiting is usually forced upon us – we wait in line; we wait in traffic; we wait for computers to boot up; we wait for results of medical tests to come back; we wait for injuries to heal; we wait for food to be cooked; we wait for babies to be delivered; we wait for the harshness of winter to give way to the gentleness of spring; we wait for the heat of summer to give way to the cool breezes of fall; we wait for death.

In my work I watch people waiting everyday – waiting for death to take them or to take one they love. Part of my job is to wait alongside them and to listen to whatever they want to talk about while they wait. Sometimes they talk about the weather or how often they have to fill the bird feeder. Sometimes they talk about the things they would do if they had more time. Sometimes I hear confessions of the things they wish they hadn’t done. Sometime we just sit in silence – waiting together.

It is the holiest job I have ever had or ever hope to have. Each time someone lets me wait with them I feel like I am on sacred ground.

SPRING

SPRING

Function: Noun

Date: before 12th century

1. a source of supply ; especially : a source of water issuing from the ground b: an ultimate source especially of action or motion
2. 2. a time or season of growth or development ; specifically : the season between winter and summer comprising in the northern hemisphere usually the months of March, April, and May or as reckoned astronomically extending from the March equinox to the June solstice

When I look out across the back lawn I see mostly brown grass, but a closer look shows there are sprigs of green mixed in. Even though the calendar says it is officially spring, when the weather is still cold enough to wear a coat and the grass looks dead it is hard to trust that spring is here. Spring has never been my favorite season, but since I began doing bereavement work for hospice a couple years ago, I have a new appreciation for spring. Early spring holds tangible reminders that there is life after death and hope in the midst of despair. Even though the grass is still nearly all brown, there is just enough green to cause me to hope. It reminds me that even though the grass has looked dead for many months it will soon be lush and green.

For many people, grief feels like the dead of winter – it makes people want to draw in. Many people feel life can’t possibly go on after a devastating loss, but for most of them that raw cold of winter gives way to warmer breezes, and they are able to begin to see the possibilities life still holds for them. When I see the tangible signs of spring, I am hopeful on behalf of all the people I know who are living with loss – I am hopeful that soon they will see the signs of spring for themselves and feel hopefulness welling up inside their own hearts.